Hard week=Long post

This past week and a half has been very very hard on me. I miss my Grandma so much it just aches sometimes and I'll just burst into tears. Knowing that I'll never see her again in this life is just so hard for me to understand. I'll wake up and think "Oh I should go see her today" and then it hits me and I struggle to adapt the the new normal. We went up and visited her grave yesterday, it would have been her 79th birthday. I just sat there. Didnt really say to much. It felt weird talking to a pile of flowers. Do you think that if you visit someones grave they can hear what you are saying? I actually stole some of her flowers. Some daisies and some purple carnations and pink rose that I found that was still alive and not wilted from the sun. I told her I felt bad that I went to visit her and I was stealing flowers but I could hear her saying well what do I need them for. It was so peaceful there. I have a feeling that during the summer I'll just go up there and sit for hours. Her plot is right next to a fountain and it is beautiful. My cousin and her husband bought plots close by because she always wanted to be buried by Grandma and Grandpa. I told Tracy that its something we should think about seeing as we have kids and all but I think we'll wait a few more years... Maybe. I dont know. I'd really love to know that I'd be buried by her should anything happen. The cemetary/mortuary offers a really good pre planning deal too. It'd only be 115 a month for two plots and the 36inch headstone with two vases... granted for 60 months but still. To have your funeral all planned and paid for so your kids dont have to do that? Something to think about.
I got to go through all of her fabric and take what I wanted. I think I'm going to take up quilting as a hobby. She literally had scraps of fabric from clothes and pajamas she made me 15 years ago. It made me laugh. You could totally tell she grew up in the depression because she saved EVERYTHING. It makes me happy to think that all of the stuff she saved I can turn into a beautiful quilt to have memories of her by.
I have this one blanket. I call it my fuzzy blanket. She made it for me when I was about Kelcys age. between 3 and 4. I carried that blanket with me EVERYWHERE until I was 12. All sleepovers and camping trips. Not to school or anything like that, just any time I was leaving home for a trip. The day of her funeral I found it in my bedroom pile of clothes and just started crying. held onto it and cried. My aunt told me to come over and go through my grandmas clothes and see if I wanted anything to remember her by. I guess my cousin Dayna took a nightgown that she finds really comforting so I think maybe I'll do that. Just take a jacket or something I could wear around the house sometimes... Ok and I'm crying again so I'm done talking about my fabulous Grandma for the moment. So here are some pictures of her!

Her and my Grandpa at a Family Reunion about 5 years ago.

Me and my grandma on one of our many camping trips.

My grandma holding Kelcy in the hospital when she was born. She always thanked me for letting her do that.

This is my favorite picture of her. She's in the background but she just has the biggest smile!

again in the hospital

4 generations.