Insomniac

Its almost 5 AM and here I am, awake again. Madison is finally back on a normal sleeping schedule but can I sleep now? Of course not. Every once in a while I get horrible insomnia where I'm just awake for hours and hours and no matter how hard I try I cant fall back asleep. I think Kelcy has inherited this problem because I can hear her playing in her room. I know she wakes up in the middle of the night and plays with toys for a few hours before finally drifting back to sleep. She's done it for about a year now. I keep hoping that she'll outgrow it but as long as she's content to play quietly in her room it doesnt really bother me. Madison is starting to stir and I must admit to being grateful that she'll give me a reason to be awake. You'd think that sitting here in bed, listening to the rhythmic breathing of two sleeping people would be enough to lull me back to sleep but no. Even my repeated yawning cant make my brain shut down for a few hours. I keep thinking about things that cause me to stress over nothing. Like Tracy joining the army. Totally his idea but I cant help feeling like I'm pressuring him. Its not that I want my husband to be gone for months and months and possibly be in life threatening danger, because I dont. I dont do well alone. And I'm completely paranoid so I know that I wont sleep much when he's gone. Even now, just thinking about him being gone is enough to bring tears to my eyes and make my throat ache with the strain of trying not to cry. But at the same time his decision to join seems like such a blessing. Its a solution to most of our problems and neither one of us has every had second thoughts about it. That says a lot. When you make a decision and it just seems so right that you know you have to make it happen and follow through. There is a guy at his work that is planning on enlisting at the same time as Tracy. I'm hoping they sign up together because then at least he'd know someone in basic training. This guy is slightly insane though because he wants to do straight up infantry. I, at least, have the comfort of knowing Tracy has chosen a non combat position. Also he found out that if he does get accepted to the nuclear medicine program that when he is finished he'll have a masters degree in radiology. A masters degree in two years. That is crazy to think about. And the job opportunities that will be avaliable to him when his enlistment is up is just insae. He is thinking he wants to do the airborne school and the ranger school now. RANGER SCHOOL. That is insane! He wants to do it strictly for the bragging rights but its also an incredible leadership opportunity that will look amazing on his resume. Its hard to think about how much our lives are going to change over the next 4 years. *Yawn* Naturally I'm starting to get sleepy right when Madison is waking up and Tracy has to wake up for work now. Figures. :)